I have many wonderful memories of my childhood and I am creating lasting memories everyday with my family.
But if there was One memory I could wipe from my mind it would be seeing my mom sick.
My mom made me chicken noodle soup every time I stayed home sick from school when I was little. She used to let me stay home from school even on the days when she doubted that I was really sick. My favorite part was when I got to go back to sleep for a few hours, then wake up and watch t.v. and she would make me some soup.
When I had the stomach flu, my mom would put a trash can or old bowl next to my bed. She'd bring in a cool washcloth and run it over my head and then she would sit with me until I fell asleep.
She stayed home from work and took care of me every time I was sick from birth until age I got married.
And then she became sick herself.
And there were days when I wanted to sit by her bed and make her toast and tell her to eat slowly, she didn't know what her stomach could handle; to take tiny sips of ginger ale, I used to by her pedialite pops because she could not keep anything down and I worried about her staying hydrated. But she always waved me off and told me to go back to work, to take care of my family. "Ricky and Leo must be missing you" she would tell me.
I felt SOOOOOO Helpless. And I was.
I sit her tonight the boys are fast asleep and I ask God WHY? Why couldn't this story end with ... and she beat the cancer and she is fine.
Why do I have to go through parenting my kids without my moms advice. Why don't I have my mom to call every night when I cant figure out quite what ingredient I am missing. Why will my kids never know their Grandma. Why........
Then I remember the answer to all these questions. I have known it all along.
Gods plans may not be aligned with our plans. But God plans none the less are perfect. If I could rewrite my moms ending I would, but maybe I don't want to change her story because I don't know what that ending would hold.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18
"...For I am convinced that neither death or life, neither angles or demons, neither the present or the future... will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37
